Suicide
by Strawberry lane
Summary: "We had a death pact and I have to keep my half of the bargain"


**A/N: The sentence "We had a death pact and I have to keep my half of the bargain" comes from Sid Vicious suicide note. Actually, this story is kind of inspired by the events (the drugs. Oh, and Nancy Spungen's death) that led to him leaving the note. **

**Hope this make sense to you :) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything you might recognize, aside from the story idea itself and the computer it was written on :)**

Have you ever been in love? Like, so much in love that you feel like you can't live without that one special person. I have and I still am. Very much. Which is why I must die. You see, my special person isn't alive. He died about four months ago, and it is partially my fault. Why, you ask. He died in the middle of the night from a drug overdose and I'm the one who introduced him to the drugs in the first place. So you can see why I feel guilty, can't you?

_I killed the love of my life._

When we first met I had been using drugs for a couple of months. I lived in a dirty little apartment in one of the "not so fine" areas of the city. People were robbed every day and you were never safe, not even in your own house. I was struggling to pay the rent and I didn't own more clothes than the ones that were on my back. I had a job but the money always went to the drugs. Always. I was addicted to that stuff and I couldn't quit even if I wanted to. But at the time it didn't matter, I was nineteen and lived for the drugs. Why would I quit? Now I realise that I should have quit when my family begged me to. Maybe he would still be alive if I had, if I hadn't been on drugs when we met.

We met at a so called "party". In reality it was just people looking for an excuse to get drunk off their asses in the middle of the week. Drunk and high. A chance to escape real life and for a moment live in a dream world where everything was perfect. Don't take the "perfect" too seriously. Everyone has a different opinion on what's perfect.

When I made myself ready to go to the party I had no idea I would meet my future boyfriend there. Well, we never were boyfriend and girlfriend officially, because none of us wanted to label our relationship, but it is the easiest way of explaining it. I think we both knew, or at least I did, that we in some ways belonged to each other and if we ever got separated, whether it was by our own free will or not, we would meet again someday. And that someday is here now.

When we met he lived with one of his friends and turned to alcohol rather than drugs. They lived a couple of streets away from me but in the same kind of neighbourhood. Anyway, that night, at the party, we sat down and talked after I had literally bumped into him. I wasn't looking where I was going and suddenly I collided with something warm. Yeah, you guessed right, it was him.

I shouldn't say "sat down and talked" because what we actually did was more like stumbling around for a bit and then trip over some girl on the floor. After that we discovered that the floor was rather comfortable and stayed where we were.

He was looking for a place to stay because his friend's girlfriend was staying over a lot and the two of them didn't really get along. So being the kind person I am, I invited him to live with me until he could get his own place, even if it just were a couple of days. He said yes and the next day when I woke up I found him sleeping on my couch, with all of his belongings around him. Apparently we had thought it would be a great idea for him to move in directly and had carried all of his things over to my apartment. Sometimes funny things happen when you're high or drunk, doesn't it?

When I say I was the one who introduced him to the drugs I'm not totally truthful. But almost, because I'm the one who got him hooked on them. Before me he had been more of an alcohol guy than a drug addicted. When we were together he was both. Good combination right? Alcohol and drugs.

When he died we had been living together for almost three years. We were so happy and then tragedy happened. Life can be so unfair. About half a year after we started living together we made a pact. A suicide pact. If one of us died during our time together the other one would commit suicide. Just so we could be together. We both promised and then we didn't think any more about it. At least I didn't. Until now. The whole point of this letter is to tell you that him and I, we had a death pact and I have to keep my half of the bargain.

_I'll see you in another life... _

**A/N: The sentence "We had a death pact and I have to keep my half of the bargain" comes from Sid Vicious suicide note. **

**Please review!**


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